Time Traveler

I’m a horrible mother. I never made a baby book. Someone gave me one, I remember that, but it just seemed so....arcane? I mean, nearly every page had a place to glue a picture. Like, a hard copy print. Who has those? Was this thing printed in the ’90’s? Do they expect me to go through the trouble of ordering prints or actually getting off my sorry arse and going to a photo store? Yeah, I don’t think so. Page 10 asked for a lock of my baby’s hair from his first haircut, just after first tooth and before first word. Ummm...yeah, so Punkin was pretty much bald for the first, oh, 6 or 7 months, if you don’t count his monk do (hair on the bottom, bald on the top) and I have yet to slice into the “party in the back.” First tooth? Try 4 months. I think. Oh wait, now I can’t remember. SEE?? I’M A HORRIBLE MOTHER!!!

I am petitioning for a do-over in the “Worst Mother of the Year” vote, and as evidence in my case I will present monthly reports for the first 10 months of life, in reverse order. Yes, folks, I am traveling back in time, testing my powers of retention and surely frying my heavily marinated tofu brain in the process. I cannot promise much in the way of creativity or humor. By the end, I’ll be lucky if I remember his name (Niknup?).

Stay tuned...