Picnic, take two

I was going to put up a post (or two) about baking, or how to really f' it up. But since it's taking longer than expected to write something coherent (thanks to Auggie's new teeth...), I'll tide you over with some gratuitous cute pics:

Impromptu picnic on a sunny day. 

Showing mama what's for lunch...

 Greetings Earthlings

The Tongue!

Grow grow grow!!

We're cheering on our plucky little seedlings and crossing our fingers they make it to replanting time. So far we've lost all our peppers, some of our basil, and the cilantro ain't looking too hot. The fickle weather hasn't helped since our poor little sprouts rely solely on the sun for strength and warmth.  Next year perhaps we'll invest in some fancy growing gadgets (like a heat lamp). But for now, we'll continue our little experiment just as far as it will take us, and try to have fun along the way!

How does your garden grow?

We've started to take gardening and yard work seriously, and with the help of Seattle's early spring weather we've made some big improvements and started some even bigger projects.  First, we're expanding our little outdoor garden to include 2 raised beds in the front yard and an even bigger stretch of garden in the back.  The backyard plot is a 6ft x 25ft swath between the driveway and fence, and was chock full of dandelions, blackberry vines, grass, and other weeds, so clearing it will be an ongoing project.

Punkin and I clearing the land:

We've already planted a fig tree and blueberry bush, and just added 2 strawberries and a raspberry.  Punkin LOVES helping in the garden and finding worms and stealing mama's garden tools.

 We're hoping to add pumpkins and squash this summer. The front yard raised beds will have lettuces, kale, spinach, and herbs in one, and tomatoes, peppers and beets in the other. Of course, the second bed has yet to be built, and first we need to move a rather large boxwood to make room. It's part of our laundry list of to-do's....does every home owner and parent have a never ending to-do list? I swear ours just gets longer and longer no matter how many projects we actually complete.

To add to all this excitement, Punkin and I are trying to grow plants from seed indoors.  It's a new experience for both of us, and I try hard not to measure it by successes and failures, but rather by fun and learning.  But I'll write more about that in another post...

Zzzzzzzz's

You don't often notice exactly when things change in a child's life. It's usually gradual, or too subtle to notice. In August Punkin still talked with a lisp and didn't pronounce his F's or S's, but by Thanksgiving he no longer needed an interpreter. At Christmas Auggie wouldn't be left sitting on his own, in February he required a crash pad of pillows all around him, and now he only falls over when he gets really really excited about something (usually something Punkin is doing).

Well one night, a few weeks ago, I'm pretty sure Auggie hit a new milestone. And it's kinda cool and kinda crazy that I just witnessed a change happen quite literally while he lay in my arms. With a bit of a struggle and whole lot of noise, Auggie fell asleep ALL ON HIS OWN. Ok, so a baby falling asleep on his own certainly has different meaning to different parents. In our house, BABY'S DON'T FALL ASLEEP BY THEMSELVES. It's like an unwritten rule that we didn't really choose but one we've come to accept after much resistance on our part. Up until his 3rd birthday (and still sometimes) Punkin required a warm body to snuggle up to as he dozed off and for much of the rest of the night, too. He inevitably finds his way under our covers and jams his toes into someone's back in the wee hours of the morning.

I can barely remember what bed time was like when Punkin was 8+ months old. I know he wasn't swaddled anymore, that he'd grown out of both the reflux wedge and the swing, and I'm pretty sure it was around that time that he was getting walked to sleep about 50-80% of the time. "Walked" as in strapped into the Ergo or a stroller and hauled all over the neighborhood streets until the humming and soft moaning/groaning drifted away and we were sure his eyes were shut. But then of course there was the second hurdle of getting him from outside the house to inside the bedroom, and from inside said-carrier to out and on the bed. If there were an Olympic sport in putting a sleep-resistant toddler to bed, Veggie and I would be gold medal champions. Sadly, there really isn't much pay out for being so stealthy, but that's not why you do the things you do as a parent.

Back then, walking Punkin to sleep was a survival tactic for us. Now, when I think of the prospect of "walking" Auggie to sleep every night and even on many naps, I think....NO. F'ING. WAY. Oh to be the second child.

So thar night, when Auggie didn't sack out at the boob, wanted nothing to do with bouncing or swaying or rocking or back patting, didn't go for the second attempt at nursing, and wasn't showing much promise in the swing, I chose option C. I laid my squirming, kicking, screaming, punching baby down on the bed, curled around him, rubbed his belly (a constantly moving target with all the writhing and kicking that was going on), and waited with him until the kicking slowed down, the screaming quieted and the hands settled in tight little fists. I didn't think it would happen. I didn't think he'd actually "give in" and go to sleep. But the truth is, there was no "giving in" because there was no more battle. I think when he finally realized that I was right there with him, keeping him warm and safe, and when the yawns started interrupting the screams, he knew it was ok to fall asleep there. It was safe, it was cozy, and there was someone there who'd heard his cries.

We've heard stories of kids being "trained" to sleep on their own, to sooth themselves, to be left to scream for hours until they finally fall asleep from exhaustion, who realize after awhile that despite all their screaming no one is coming to get them, no one is coming to tuck them into the covers and kiss them good night one more time. I chose not to "train" my kids, and for a long time we let Punkin run the show, with various nudges here and there. And now, after 3 years of constant adaptations and various routines, he finally falls asleep all on his own (most nights). I just hope we can be as patient for Auggie...

Update: Auggie's gone back to falling asleep nursing....but then waking up every 3 hours ALL NIGHT LONG. We know it's teething (4+ teeth all pushing through at the same time) and it won't last forever. But I can't decide which sleep pattern I'd prefer: crying to sleep in my arms, but sleeping through the night, or peacefully falling asleep in my arms, only to be up all night long crying in pain. The truth is, it doesn't matter what I'd prefer. I'm just his mom; I don't get to choose.

Endless possibilities

"What to do in a day with your toddler and baby?" For many people, the answer to this question is simple. They might choose to glide through the day from one necessity to the next, breakfast-to-diaper change, nap-to-lunch, and back again, filling the in-betweens with puzzles and stories or whatever else your toddler pulls off the shelf. Others start off the day with planned and (sometimes) carefully articulated activities. They might call themselves creative. They might call themselves Montessori proponents. They might call this homeschooling. (Is doing preschool-like activities at home with your 3 year old really "homeschooling?" Doesn't "homeschooling" imply your child would otherwise be in school? Should every 3 year old be in some sort of preschool?).

It's questions like these that plague me lately. Punkin has directed activities outside the home for 3 mornings a week. The rest of the week is devoted to play dates, infrequent trips to the park, and many lazy days at home playing with the gobs of toys we've collected from generous grandparents and such. But should I consider myself more of a teacher when it comes to those days at home? Should I set out a curriculum in advance and prepare an activity for each day? Should I make sure he's learning science, art, spelling, and drama? Should trips to the park be "field trips" full of educational tid bits and "directed" activities? Or should we just go to the damn park and play with whatever he wants? Am I even creative enough to come up with all these activities? Should I leave the creativity to others? Should I just stick to my minimalist ideas and approach every day with the simple goal of getting out on the other end with all three of us alive, fed, and relatively unscathed?

Really what it comes down to is a matter of job description. Should I treat each day like a day "at the office," where my clients (or bosses?) are my sweet and adorable but sometimes limit- and patience-testing children, and my job is not only to love and care for them, but to teach them, provide a safe learning environment and creative, preschool-esq activities aimed at broadening minds and perspective. I guess this would be the Homeschool Teacher job description. And I have full respect for this job and those who pursue it. But am I cut out to be a teacher?

I was mulling all this over the other day when I had to stop and ask (yet another) question: Did I apply for this job when I chose to get pregnant? If I had been "interviewed" during the hiring process, would I have jumped at the chance to have this job, or would I leave it to others (day care or preschool teachers) and spent my days at a real office? The time with your kids is great, but so is having a regular 9-5 job, one that actually ends at 5 o'clock, one you don't necessarily take home with you. One where your boss doesn't follow you into the bathroom and watch you pee and one that doesn't require you to wipe your bosses ass, at least not literally.

I could go on and on and on with this train of thought and I'm already losing track of why I started this post. The fact of the matter is, at present, I have chosen this job, no matter how unprepared I may have been for the demands. And now I must learn to excel at my job, or start seeking alternate employment. For the record, I'm seriously considering both options.

So, in addition to the assignment I gave myself last week to read all those parenting books that gather dust on my bookshelves, I'm giving myself one more, rather daunting task. In my "free time" I will research activities and ideas for how to "homeschool" my kids, try to define just what "homeschooling" means for me and my kids, and put all that I learn to good use. And of course, I'll blog about it along the way. And in all the time that's left over (HAHAHA) I'll search for part-time work, just to keep my options open.

Teach your children well

Discipline comes from the word "disciple" which means "student." Therefore we should consider every instance of discipline a "teaching moment." But why does every second in life with a toddler have to be a "teaching moment?" I realized yesterday that everything I do, every step I take, every move I make (oh wait....that was just the song on the radio...see what happens to your brain after 2 kids? And you thought your brain on drugs looked bad...).

So what was I saying? Oh yes, some days when I ask Punkin to come get his diaper on, it would be nice if he would just listen to what I'm saying, acknowledge that he heard me say something, and then (GASP!) do what I asked him to do!!! Let's take that logic and apply it to EVERY SINGLE interaction between the two of us. Because there are many days when that NEVER HAPPENS. I ask him to come here, he runs away. I ask him not to hit the dog, he hits her anyway. I ask him to be quiet, he screams in my face. I try to change his diaper, he rolls onto his belly and, if I'm really lucky, farts in my face.

Now the parenting and discipline gurus will tell you these trying moments with your toddler are "teaching moments" and right now I'm just dying for a sabbatical. Can't we get from Point A to Point B without deviating from the course? Can't we just walk in the door, take off our shoes and coats, put them away, and make it through lunch without raising my mommy's-head-will-explode-if-you-do-that-again hackles?

Of course not, which is why we must greet these moments with calm, poise, understanding, a gentle voice and a kind yet firm explanation of why it is so important to mommy that you pay attention and that you are helpful and that, goddammit, you don't go running off to do your own thing because you will do what i say or else...oops. Calm. Poise. You want to draw pictures on the table with your soup? I guess we're all done eating. You don't want the dog to eat your snack? Let's use our words and not our bodies to ask Kdog to move away instead of hitting her on the nose. You feel like making lots of noise? You can go yell in your room.

Yes, life with a toddler is just one "teaching moment" after another, and you bet your ass you're being scrutinized every step of the way because one wrong step and your kid will be telling his therapist 30 years later that's why he hates to be barefoot indoors because his mother always yelled at him if he didn't take his shoes off before stomping around the house and who cares that he lived in Seattle where it was always the rainy season because it was her own damn fault for being too lazy to vacuum the floors more than once a month.

As parents of toddlers in the 21st century we are expected to keep our cool, be generous and gentle, and do everything by the new book(s). I have those books. They sit in my bookcase. Looking all sophisticated and diverse. And one of these days I might actually get around to finishing that one I started in summer of '08. Or maybe starting the one I bought last spring?

So to motivate myself, I plan to read each book and write a short little post on the important facts and skills to learn so that when the time comes I'll have a cheat sheet. Let's see if I ever actually get around to doing this.....

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

oh, and just because I'm a glutton for punishment we'll throw in the sleep books I never finished since neither kid sleeps well on his own and I could really use help:

Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Babies and The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers by Elizabeth Pantley
Nighttime Parenting by William Sears
Sleep is for the Weak by Rita Arens

(Ok that last one is just for fun...it's sleep humor from some of the best "mommy bloggers" out there). I suppose I should have put them in ascending order, shortest to longest, since some get over 400 pages. I'll save those for last.

Wish me luck!

a dump truck, a cement mixer, a front loader....

We made a sandbox! Ok, maybe I didn't participate in the building, but I still take pride in the new addition to the backyard. Someday this sandbox will be a mere cornerstone in a larger play set including swings, a tower, maybe even a slide. The best part: Punkin loves and takes huge pride in building things himself, and Veggie tries to involve Punkin in every step of the process. When I went out back to check on the progress, Punkin was wielding a large rake, flattening out the ground to make it ready for the sandbox. Next time I checked on them, he was spreading the sand, and later he helped wield the cordless power drill. Please note the "seats" at each corner of the box: Veggie is very proud of those.

A lot of love, a little late...

Is it really March? Because I swear it was just the other day that I was making Valentine's with Punkin and thinking I should really write down all the resources I found while looking for ideas on how to make Valentine's with kids. Oh, I'll do it tomorrow. I guess "tomorrow" turned into nearly 20 days later. Such is my life...

So I wanted Punkin to play a primary role in making the valentines, and I wasn't too concerned with how nice they would look. But as I began searching on google, I found mostly complicated patterns to cut, candy to attach, or pre-fab printouts for kids to color in. Nothing was too inspiring, but we did try to make a few of these elephant cards just for fun (with paper eyes and paper ear and nose hearts). They're pretty cute, but by involving Punkin in the tracing and the gluing, it took nearly 20 minutes to make one. In the end, we worked together to trace and cut small hearts and large hearts from different colored paper. Then he decorated those hearts with drawing and stickers. Once we'd collected enough hearts, he glued the small hearts onto the center of the large hearts. They actually turned out really well for a (almost) three year old's homemade valentines, if I do say so myself.

Next time we might try out a few of these more complicated designs, or go back to the elephants.

scissors!

I know a year from now, or maybe even in a few months, this will no longer seem like a monumentous occassion. But today, it's front page news. Punkin is learning how to use scissors! And wouldn't you know he's an expert already. He's already made confetti out of the PCC newsletter and next he wants to cut hearts for making Valentines. I wish I could take credit for the idea, but I didn't think he was ready for scissors until I read it in this blog from a crafty mom. At least now I have yet another great resource for future craft ideas with the kids.

Doodleee Deee!

Happy 3rd Birthday Punkin!! Now I'm gonna do us both a favor and get to bed before midnight for the first time in, oh, 3 weeks? Years from now you may not appreciate this, but tomorrow you'll be happier to have a well-rested mama than a long blog post about how wonderful you are and a cranky tired mama, to boot.
I love you very much.
-mama

One of THOSE days

The other day I thought it was going to be a good day. Things were going so well that I was going to write about it so I could remember, on a bad day, that it's not always like that. I was proud of myself for being attentive to my childrens' needs, coming up with creative crafts to do, and juggling the feeding and the dressing and the napping and the entertaining and playing without too much stress and without "blowing my lid."

And then naptime happened. Or, rather, didn't happen. It's an acute source of tension these days, between me and Punkin. It has, as I've commented today, the potential to take a perfectly good day and turn it upside down, sometimes leaving all three of us in tears. There's so much tension and emotion in the house that the dog nearly leaps into my husbands arms when he gets home...

So anyway, naptime - it ain't happening and there's a lot I could say on the topic but today I'd rather focus on those good things, the things I meant to write about before life took it's prescribed 3 o'clock nose dive.

First, there was the craftiness. We started making Valentines for Punkin's preschool class and he learned to use scissors (!) for the first time. He's very talented, and very proud of his new skill. And it's a good thing we had plenty of paper in the recycling bin for him to make confetti out of because he spent a good 3 hours cutting. But I'll write more about the Valentine's later - perhaps a new post complete with pictures and resources and all that good stuff.

The creativity extended into the kitchen, where I managed to cook up a healthy lunch with all the random bits of food I could gather from the fridge and the pantry. And THEN I nursed Auggie and pumped and managed to eat a few bites of food....ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Now some people out there probably do this on a daily basis, but for me and Auggie this was something akin to climbing to Mt Everest base camp (summitting the peak would have required cooking and nursing at the same time, and I doubt I'll ever get there). Auggie and I have had our issues when it comes to boob time, including two minor surgeries and a lasting addiction to prescription nipple ointment. Somedays are so bad we have to bag breastfeeding all together. And this little act of multi-tasking wasn't exactly pain free (and I'm sure our lactation consultant would cringe if she heard what we'd been doing). But we all got through lunch in one piece and that's all that matters.

So after a morning of accomplishments and an hour or so of yelling and stomping and negotiating and some tears (i.e. naptime) I should have called it a day and sacked out on the couch till the hubby got home. But instead, I let my slightly caffeinated brain take charge and as I went from dolling out the days vitamins to looking for my calendar to looking for the computer I happened to notice the stroller....outside....in the rain....with Auggie's Bundle Me getting sopping wet....the one we usually have in the car seat to keep out the damp and the chill that is Seattle in February. SOPPING WET. Wonderful. So I head outside to retrieve the blanket and as the door clicks behind me I have this sudden feeling of deja vu. Because this is the second time in the three years we've lived in this house that I've locked myself out of the house with my baby inside.

So you'd think this would be yet another moment of defeatism and tears. The options weren't appealing: bang on the door and hope that Punkin would let himself out of time out and actually figure out what all the shouting and banging was about; or drag my sorry ass over to the neighbor's, again, and have to admit I was, once again, a moron and a negligent mother. As I weighed my options I stared at the ground and scrutinized a fist-sized grey rock, partially buried in the dirt. It wasn't an exceptional rock. It looked like it belonged there. We had plenty of rocks just like it all around the yard. But on a hunch a picked it up, turned it over, and nearly peed my pants with joy: it was the missing hide-a-key we thought we'd lost last spring. The one we actually accused the contractor for losing (sorry Mark!). It was one of those rare moments of pride and joy, but with no one around to witness just what a genius I am. Like the time I convinced a gaggle of cold and whiney 2-3 year olds to race each other from one end of the playground to the other.

I spent the rest of the day reminding myself how brilliant I am...because it's better than dwelling on being monster mom at naptime.

Night Light

One of the best purchases we made on our last trip to Ikea, Punkin insists on having this eery blue light on for bedtime. He can also carry it around and turn it off and on himself.

Busted

Yesterday I was changing Auggie's diaper while Punkin scooted around on his little bike. I wasn't paying much attention to him, until suddenly I heard him say, "A decaf soy latte please. Thank you! Bye Bye!"
The bike was his pretend car, his little Ikea night light was his coffee cup, and the bureau was the drive-up window.

I swear I don't stop for coffee that often!

Pumpkins pumpkins everywhere

The week of the pumpkin is upon us. In honor of my son's namesake, I shall be featuring pumpkins in many forms. Tonight, we have le petit pumpkin...

Monthly Punkin: 18 months - no 19

I've been very very very bad. I haven't written about my baby in ages. It's not that I don't care, or that I don't think about him ALL THE TIME. No, I think more likely it's because I think about him and I'm around him and I'm, you know, parenting him, every waking hour of the day (and sometimes, many times, during the non-waking hours of the day - when sane people should be SLEEPING PEACEFULLY in bed). I think it's because when I finally get an opportunity alone where I might actually have a chance to write, it's like a vacation from my job and, you know, I've got other things to do and frankly other things to think about.

But that's no excuse. My Punkin is turning into a little boy right before my eyes and if I don't write it all down I might forget what it's like to listen to his sweet voice say "Mowww Mama," and to watch him crouch over his puzzles and grunt while twisting the pieces into place, and to feel the weight of his head on my shoulder in those rare moments when I hold him and he holds back tight but peaceful and full of sweet unconditional love. I know one day that love will be tested by teenagedom and hormones and bravado. So for now I must hold tight right back and promise never ever to forget.

In the meantime, I've been trying to decipher his personality. Yeah, I know this should be a no-brainer - I mean, who can't peg their own child's personality from, like, the womb? But this kid is a tricky one. Maybe that's his personality - crafty and mischievous, tumultuous and mercurial, loving and generous, obstinate and proud. I know a lot of those descriptors sound negative, but I'm proud of his proudness when he carries his finished puzzle into the kitchen for me to see and requests, "Mama 'ump?" And I see a bit of myself in his stubbornness when he asks over and over "Nana? Nana? Nana?" as he points to the fruit basket. And when his mischievous grin creeps across his little face and the little wheels spin faster and faster behind those dark, round eyes, I know he can thank his father for his quick thinking and creative mind. He will never be taken for granted, never forgotten or unseen.

Now if only he will learn how to dance with others...

Dare I Say It?

A few Saturdays ago I had a very good day. We woke up early and had a yummy family breakfast of pancakes in our pj's. Then we scrambled to get dressed and make sandwiches before arriving (late, of course) at a local pumpkin patch to meet up with Punkin's 3 (yes, THREE) girlfriends and their parents. It was a gorgeous, warm fall day and the we all enjoyed ourselves immensely. I had even managed to make some yummy Pumpkin Muffins the night before (that's a rare accomplishment) to share with everyone at lunch. After a few hours of scrutinizing squashes and posing for photo ops, we headed home again with a very sleepy Punkin. I don't even remember struggling to get him to nap, so that's a good enough day in itself. Later that afternoon we finally got around to doing some yard work and when the clouds started to appear we headed inside to make dinner and get a certain someone to bed. I found a simple yet delicious recipe for Roasted Chicken with leeks and apples in, of all places, Real Simple Magazine. I can't emphasize enough how simple and delicious it really was. The next day we were invited to go for an evening sail and in a first for me I was able to supply a yummy leftover dinner without really lifting a finger! Not to mention it was a peacefully warm night on Lake Union, just right for dinner-time sailing with two testy toddlers. Punkin was in 7th heaven surrounded by boats, water, and sea-planes. I don't think I've had such an fun, active, and productive weekend in a very very long time.

Shut up and DANCE

So my kid is a genius, right (hey I'm a mom - every mom thinks her kids are either the next Einstein or a total f- up). Back to my kid - he can do these puzzles meant for 3 yr olds when he's only half that age. It's amazing I tell you, just amazing. Seriously though, even his babysitter, a former daycare worker (that makes her an expert, right?) says he's got mad skilz in the mechanical division. And he even knows the number 2 - I mean, he actually knows he has TWO feet. Not three. Not four. So clearly, he's a genius.

But for all those brains stacked up in that little noggin of his, the kid can't dance. He won't dance. He won't try to make a spider with his little fingers and make it go up and down the spout. He won't shake a tambourine and freeze when the music stops. And he won't dare to get up and walk in a circle to the tune of "Ring around the Rosie." No, I don't expect him to win the next round of DWTS or anything. But these missing basic toddler achievements are like a gaping black hole of shame on his baby resume. And who do ya think takes all the blame for that???

As his legal representative, I understand it is my personal responsibility to ensure his acceptance to Harvard by age 3 (or better yet, Williams College). And thus, even a genius must show the versatility of skilz worthy of a top liberal arts education. But last time I tried to physically force him to get up and shake his booty in dance/music class, he got all Velociraptor on me tried to tare my eyes out of their sockets. Is he destined to be yet another nerdy white man with no rhythm, no groove?

Seriously though, this all chalks up to being ridiculously shy in public settings. The kid who screams at the top of his lungs (just for fun of course) and runs naked through the house giggling like a maniac, the one who insists we listen to his favorite tunes during the family meal, the one who made a game out of flopping down on the floor face first, THAT ONE, he now clings to his mama like she's trying to sell him to gypsies while all the other kids run and dance and giggle and wave colorful scarves in the air and, you know HAVE FUN. LIKE NORMAL TODDLERS.

What do I do? What do I do???

Love Thursday - Arranged Marriage

This is for their wedding day:

Ye Ole Hot Wheels

Yet another of my mother's collector's items, this fantastic contraption came complete with rusty metal, finger-pinching wooden seat, most likely lead-tainted paint, and an awesome snack tray.




The bonus: it was so rickety the whole thing rattled on the dirt drive and you could hear it coming from a mile away. But Punkin loved it all summer long and had many admiring glances from jealous toddlers and their mommies.