Dog eats Dog

Motherhood has made me a wonderful compassionate, loving, understanding person....to my son. To my dog, on the other hand, I am a bitch. Appropriate, since she’s one too, but really not fair by any stretch of the imagination. Child #1 (dog) has been 100% usurped by child #2 (Punkin) and is now treated like the animal she is, dog, rather than the revered and cherished being she was (Child #1). I feel guilty about this every day. Right up until she eats expensive German-crafted wooden baby blocks because OH NO we were out of the house during the hour leading up to her dinner and OH NO she’s going to starve even though she’s the only adult dog under 50 lbs that still gets fed TWICE a day, and no that’s NEVER enough food thank you very much. So now I’ve decided not to feed her dinner. Yes, as I said, I am a bitch. I do get some credit for knowing that Veggie will feed her once he’s read Punkin his stories, and I think it’s appropriate that she wait an extra hour or so for her meal and that it not come from Alpha Dog (yup, that’s me). Veggie is most assuredly not Alpha Dog. That’s because Veggie was a kind, gentle, loving person before parenthood and I was not. But someone’s gotta be Alpha Dog or who’s the pack gonna look to when the poopoo hits the fan? So I trained Kdog, cared for Kdog, and even fed and walked Kdog for a full year when Veggie lived elsewhere, and I yell at Kdog, push her out of my way when she plops down in front of the oven where I’m cooking, confine her to her crate when she’s been bad (i.e. eaten expensive German-crafted wooden baby blocks), and, starting today, have the lovely job of administering allergy injections (yes, you heard me, injections) every 3 days TILL THE END OF TIME (or at least TIME as she knows it). I have therefore successful secured my tenure as Alpha Dog. Now before you criticize me and tell me how I need to take time out to give Kdog the attention she needs, go for walks, love her the same as always and be sure to cuddle with her once a day, no first I need you to SIT. LAY DOWN. ROLL OVER. PLAY DEAD. OKAY! SPEAK!