Teach your children well

Discipline comes from the word "disciple" which means "student." Therefore we should consider every instance of discipline a "teaching moment." But why does every second in life with a toddler have to be a "teaching moment?" I realized yesterday that everything I do, every step I take, every move I make (oh wait....that was just the song on the radio...see what happens to your brain after 2 kids? And you thought your brain on drugs looked bad...).

So what was I saying? Oh yes, some days when I ask Punkin to come get his diaper on, it would be nice if he would just listen to what I'm saying, acknowledge that he heard me say something, and then (GASP!) do what I asked him to do!!! Let's take that logic and apply it to EVERY SINGLE interaction between the two of us. Because there are many days when that NEVER HAPPENS. I ask him to come here, he runs away. I ask him not to hit the dog, he hits her anyway. I ask him to be quiet, he screams in my face. I try to change his diaper, he rolls onto his belly and, if I'm really lucky, farts in my face.

Now the parenting and discipline gurus will tell you these trying moments with your toddler are "teaching moments" and right now I'm just dying for a sabbatical. Can't we get from Point A to Point B without deviating from the course? Can't we just walk in the door, take off our shoes and coats, put them away, and make it through lunch without raising my mommy's-head-will-explode-if-you-do-that-again hackles?

Of course not, which is why we must greet these moments with calm, poise, understanding, a gentle voice and a kind yet firm explanation of why it is so important to mommy that you pay attention and that you are helpful and that, goddammit, you don't go running off to do your own thing because you will do what i say or else...oops. Calm. Poise. You want to draw pictures on the table with your soup? I guess we're all done eating. You don't want the dog to eat your snack? Let's use our words and not our bodies to ask Kdog to move away instead of hitting her on the nose. You feel like making lots of noise? You can go yell in your room.

Yes, life with a toddler is just one "teaching moment" after another, and you bet your ass you're being scrutinized every step of the way because one wrong step and your kid will be telling his therapist 30 years later that's why he hates to be barefoot indoors because his mother always yelled at him if he didn't take his shoes off before stomping around the house and who cares that he lived in Seattle where it was always the rainy season because it was her own damn fault for being too lazy to vacuum the floors more than once a month.

As parents of toddlers in the 21st century we are expected to keep our cool, be generous and gentle, and do everything by the new book(s). I have those books. They sit in my bookcase. Looking all sophisticated and diverse. And one of these days I might actually get around to finishing that one I started in summer of '08. Or maybe starting the one I bought last spring?

So to motivate myself, I plan to read each book and write a short little post on the important facts and skills to learn so that when the time comes I'll have a cheat sheet. Let's see if I ever actually get around to doing this.....

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

oh, and just because I'm a glutton for punishment we'll throw in the sleep books I never finished since neither kid sleeps well on his own and I could really use help:

Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Babies and The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers by Elizabeth Pantley
Nighttime Parenting by William Sears
Sleep is for the Weak by Rita Arens

(Ok that last one is just for fun...it's sleep humor from some of the best "mommy bloggers" out there). I suppose I should have put them in ascending order, shortest to longest, since some get over 400 pages. I'll save those for last.

Wish me luck!